Whether you’ve been with your significant other for years or you’re just getting to know each other, sometimes you want to mix up your date night ideas. Sure, I love going out to the same bars and restaurants we’re used to, but a free date night at home can be even better! Especially in quarantine, free date night ideas you can do at home are a great way to keep things fun and make sure your relationship doesn’t become stagnant.
A few years ago, I read an article in the New York Times about a psychologist who studied if it was possible to create and intensify intimacy between two people through just asking a series of questions. The goal was ultimately to see if he could make two strangers fall in love. My interest was obviously piqued, so I looked up the questions.
I’m a pretty open book, and there are few things you can ask me that I wouldn’t be comfortable answering. I felt that way about most of the questions, actually. But the beautiful thing about this experiment is that it’s completed by two people, and you have to open up and be vulnerable with the other person and trust that they’ll do the same for you. It can definitely be a little intimidating!
So, after reading the questions, I figured, why not. And after some years of reflection and completing these questions with two different boyfriends (yikes, sorry!), I’ve decided it’s officially one of my favorite romantic date night activities. It’s free, you can do it at any point in the relationship, and from my experience… it really does bring you much closer!
So grab your partner, maybe grab a few beverages, and buckle in for the most revealing free date night of your lives!
The free, at home date night that’ll bring you closer together
Like I said earlier, I’ve done this twice before. Both times were very early in my relationships, which at least for me kind of feels like the best time to do it, because you don’t have much to lose and you have everything to gain.
The first time, I was around 26, and had been seeing this guy casually for a few weeks, but was still dating around. I’m a daring and ridiculous troublemaker though, so one day while we were hanging out at his place I said, “hey do you want to try this thing I read about? It’s 36 questions and they’re supposed to make you fall in love.” And because I was a young idiot and he was a flighty dude fresh out of college, I immediately followed up with “don’t worry, I’m not trying to fall in love with you, so don’t freak out, I just thought it would be cool.”
And it was! It absolutely brought us closer, and I learned things in that conversation that helped me understand so much of who he was and why he did certain things in our relationship. We did eventually wind up falling in love and dated for almost two years.
The next time I did it, I would say I kind of cheated. Why? Because I knew I was in love with this guy the first time I met him. I didn’t need questions. It honestly was probably even dumber of me to do it the second time because it eliminated any hope of me playing it cool in this relationship, and just solidified him as “the one” in my head going forward. A very “cool girl” move on my part. (Whatever, we’re still together!)
The questions are split up into 3 sections, getting deeper and more intimate as they go. I love this date night idea because it not only reveals things about your partner to you, but it also opens up ways you feel about yourself. As Mandy Len Catron said in her article about the questions: “We all have a narrative of ourselves that we offer up to strangers and acquaintances, but [these] questions make it impossible to rely on that narrative.” In order to answer the questions honestly, you have to be honest and vulnerable with yourself. That can be a really eye-opening activity and super beneficial in a relationship.
How to have the romantic date night that will make you fall in love
My suggestion is to get together in a room with your partner, with as few distractions as possible. Turn down the lights, set the mood with a candle and maybe some soft music. Pour yourselves some wine (or water! you’ll probably need that too). If you’re the emotional type, maybe have some tissues nearby just in case. Keep a phone nearby, because you’ll need a timer. Other than that, keep them face down and on silent so they don’t distract you. And then just dive in!
No matter how far along you are in your relationship, this is a super fun, free date night idea that will definitely bring you closer together.
The questions are split up into three sections, increasing in depth and intimacy as they go. Don’t skip around! Do the questions in order, and if you want to make it really challenging, try not to peek at them beforehand!
Section 1
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Section 2
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
Section 3
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
Finally, stare into your partner’s eyes for four minutes.
Yes, four. As Ms. Catron said, “Two minutes is just enough to be terrified. Four really goes somewhere.”
When the staring is over, you’re done! Take a breather. Grab a sip of water. I’m sure it was an emotionally exhausting night, and both times I’ve done this, the conversation kept flowing long after the questions were over. Take this time to soak it in, and enjoy your newfound intimacy with your partner!
Would you try a date night like this? What other date night ideas do you have?
